Young, Dating and Divorced: A Difficult Dating Topic

Dating as a young divorcee can be a challenge. I initiated a divorce when I was in my mid-twenties and started dating months after I finalized the decision. Because of my age, I found the topic difficult to bring up when I started dating again.

Some men didn't understand why I was looking for a serious relationship after getting out of such a commitment. I didn't want to be impolite and get into details about why I left (my ex-husband was emotionally abusive), but I had been considering leaving him for over a year once he made an abrupt change.

Ignore the Critics

You may find that your friends are jealous of your strength or freedom or hold you to their own social or religious standards. Some will continually want to chat about your divorce long after it's complete. If they don't stop, you'll have to have a chat with them and possibly even end these friendships entirely.

When I wanted to start dating again, I was fortunate: my family was really supportive. A few friends offered warnings and showed concern that I wanted to date; my mother (who had divorced my father and remarried) and my few divorced friends were much more understanding than non-divorced friends.

After I was comfortable in a new relationship, I had to end a friendship with a friend who couldn't get past the fact that I was divorced. I had moved on, but for some reason she couldn't. After being honest with her, she still kept talking about it. By the time I'd started planning my second wedding I'd had enough and ceased all contact with her.

While most friends had become accustomed to my new partner, a few of my friendships seriously changed in a negative way. I became closer with some friends and more distant with others.

Online Dating

If you have an online dating profile, you can use the opportunity to tell potential dates that you are divorced or going through a divorce. Many potential dates will appreciate your honesty about your situation.

If you decide to mention this status on your profile, make sure it doesn't take up a huge chunk of your profile; that would make it appear as though the divorce is currently occupying the top spot in your life in terms of time and relationships.

Breaking the News

Whether you've been on one date or three with a potential partner, you must bring up your divorced status to maintain honest communication.

When I started dating my current husband, I mentioned that I was going through the divorce prior to accepting a first date since we'd had the opportunity to talk. I was prepared for him to possibly lose interest, but he didn't seem bothered and I was able to enjoy our first date without being nervous about what he'd think about the divorce.

Divorced With Kids

If you're divorced and have kids, the topic of kids provides a natural way to bring up the topic of divorce. You can mention that you're heading through a divorce with the child's parent or say that you were married and specify the amount of time you've been single.

Most dates will again respect your honesty regarding the topic.

Concealing a pending or completed divorce is not advisable. A new partner will eventually find out by speaking to your friends or family or glimpsing legal documents.

Before I met my current husband, I spoke to several potential dates who were not interested in dating me because I was going through the divorce. I'm glad I found out about their perspective right away. I didn't waste time with them and was able to move on to a successful and healthy relationship.