Young Miscarried Moms- No Grief Allowed!

It is the typical weekday afternoon with the typical talk shows-and the typical subjects of course. (Mr. Povich, could you try something new please?) One such afternoon I was watching the boob tube and on the hunt for something juicy. I admit it- I finally landed on a hefty chunk of some pop culture poison. This episode featured out of control teenagers (girls only, as usual). The crowd stands and shouts as though jeering their least favorite sports team. One young lady, around the age of 16, aspires to once again be pregnant after a recent miscarriage.

And what do people say to her?

"You can't take care of no baby!"

"What's wrong with you?"

...And last but not least...

"That was a sign, you don't need a baby!"

And the young girl looked down in sadness and shame.

Sure, between "Who's my baby daddy?" and "Guess my gender!" one should not consider this program serious social commentary. However, this particular show did raise a valid concern-people are extremely unsympathetic to young miscarried moms. The way people speak to young moms who have miscarried infuriates me and strikes me at my core. I am 22 years old, and I endured a heart wrenching miscarriage last year. I was sixteen weeks pregnant at the time, and I had already felt the baby dancing within me. On the day I miscarried, I woke up panting with sweat streaming down my face. I felt rhythmical contractions, which I quickly identified as contractions. I was in labor-about 5 months too soon. I sped with my boyfriend to a nearby emergency room. Eventually, I birthed a child who expired shortly thereafter. My relatives and random people in Cyberspace had no qualms about dropping verbal A-bombs on my heart.

"I hope you learn your lesson."

"It was a sign from God?"

"I bet you got an abortion!

"A baby would ruin your life and body (from a woman, no less)"

...And drum roll please....

"This would not have happened if you would have kept your legs closed."

Excuse me?!?!?!? Those are fighting words! Do people not think miscarried moms under 30 have feelings? Consciously or not, do people believe such verbal daggers will keep the hardwired mothering instinct at bay? It cannot. It does not. I am in my twenties, and this does not lessen my desire to be a mother. My age does not extinguish nor discount the anguish I will bear for the rest of my life. I must live with the feelings of never embracing the baby, never looking into those big, round baby eyes, and of memories that are never to be. I retain the right to my feelings, and I will not be grateful or relieved due to my loss. Relief and gratefulness do not accompany the loss of a much loved baby.