Young People are Getting Married Just to Have Sex

Sex versus intimacy. What is the difference? We spent almost the whole class period discussing this pertinent topic last week. Instead of bringing up all of my somewhat contradictory ideas on the subject in class, I decided an essay may be a better way to express my plethora of opinions.

About a week ago, my roommate and I were watching a new show on MTV called Engaged and Underage. The premise of the show is to follow a young couple about to get married, and shed light on the trials and tribulations of marriage for those truly not mature enough to handle it. This particular episode was about a boy and a girl (I say this because I certainly wouldn't consider them a man and a woman) who were each 21 years old. They met each other as freshmen at a Christian college and started dating soon after meeting. Almost the entire show, they talked about having sex on their honeymoon, because they made a promise to their religion and to themselves not to have sex before marriage. Unfortunately (because they were full-time students), they didn't have much money and reluctantly had to spend their wedding night in a bed and breakfast, where the owner specifically told them they weren't allowed to consummate their marriage, because the walls were too thin.

My roommate and I were in shock that these people seemed to be getting married only to have sex. They didn't even seem to like each other, much less love each other! I'm definitely not saying that waiting to have sex until marriage is a bad thing-that's your choice; I'm just saying that you shouldn't get married just to have sex. People should get married because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. I thought this was common knowledge.

I'm also not saying that sex before marriage is unfavorable. I think that it's a good way to get to know your partner in a completely different way, express your feelings fully, and test the waters to see if you and your partner are sexually compatible. On the flip side, sex shouldn't be what any relationship is all about. Couples need to be able to have conversations, go out and have fun, and generally enjoy each others' company.

I've learned this very valuable lesson by watching my brother ruin countless relationships by putting sex before all else. He's had sex with most of the girlfriends he's had before they started dating. Of all the girls he's ever dated, there's only been one that he didn't completely use for sex, and they dated for a year and a half. Sex for Matthew, obviously, was all about feeling good and being in control. However, I feel like sex should be about love and intimacy, getting back to a main point of this paper.

It's really not that hard to combine both love and intimacy into sex. I feel like you should know your partner for a while (however long that is to you!) before having sex, and in my opinion, I think that you should love them! But again, everything should be in moderation. Even though you may completely and totally love someone and get married, sex shouldn't be the only thing your marriage is about.

Take a girl I know named Alisha for example. She graduated in the same class as me. In September, she met Ed, a guy from her class in a community college in Arizona. They were married by January, and now she has announced that she is pregnant. Funny thing is-she's been pregnant for longer than she's been married. Obviously I haven't asked, but I can't help but wonder if that's the reason they got married.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think that sex before marriage is a terrible thing-I think it's pretty great! How else would you know if you and your partner are sexually compatible? However, I think that you shouldn't have kids unless you are ready for one. I mean, condoms aren't expensive, and birth control isn't that hard to get. Don't have a kid if you still are a kid!

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to move in with Justin next year. My answer to all of those people is, "No! I'm way too young for that!" My parents moved in together when they were 29, not 19. Not that I'm going to wait that long, but I'm still practically a kid! I'm not ready for such a big commitment such as moving in together or getting married.

Last week, a guy at Target asked me if I was buying my bike for someone else. I responded, telling him it was for me. He laughed and said, "That's refreshing! Adults are always buying things for other people."

"I'm not an adult," I said.

"Oh sure you are!" he urged.

"I'll never grow up," I said as I walked away.

Life is scary.