Young Single Mothers

There are certain scenarios that are prevalent even among the most responsible young single mothers in America. Unless the young mom has access to considerable amounts of money (highly unlikely), she will either live at home with her parents or have to work full-time in order to maintain a modest domicile. Both situations often result in the woman having to compete to keep her role as her own child's mother.

I don't mean this in a legal sense, at least not in most cases. But consider the first scenario in which the young mother and her child are living with her parents. She is new to motherhood and her parents will often see fit to help her in areas where they obviously have more experience. They only mean well, but this kind of intervention often has the effect of making the mother feel inadequate, especially if her child begins to prefer his grandparents over his own mother. This is unfortunately a common occurrence. A child will naturally run to the adult who will meet his needs most efficiently, and when mom and grandma live in the same house, sometimes mom isn't given the authority she needs to be a capable parent. This often causes her to resent her own parents, who she perceives are taking her place in her child's heart.

If the young mom is able to live with her child separate from her parents, at the very least she is guaranteed some time alone with her son or daughter. But because she most likely has to work to pay rent, that time is limited to precious few hours a day. Where does the baby go during her shift hours? Daycare, if she can afford it. If she can't, then that baby goes right back to grandma's house, and the young mom is faced with the same issues that had to be dealt with before she moved out on her own. It can be very frustrating for her to realize that trying to support herself and her child has led to the same result.

It does make quite a bit of difference if the child's father is involved. Whether he only provides child support or is helpful enough to care for the child on a regular basis, any effort on the father's part is going to relieve some pressure for the mother. Often, the child's attachment to his father does not trespass into the mother's territory as does his attachment to his grandparents. The bond between father and child is in a category of its own, and affection for one parent does not necessarily affect the attachment to the other.

In an ideal situation, this observation should also apply to grandparents. But in the situations described above (which are the most common ones for young single mothers to find themselves in) a mother often has no choice but to become a secondary caregiver to her own child. One has to wonder if such a result warrants the label of a bad mom. In the case of many young single mothers, it seems that no amount of effort is enough to reach a satisfactory outcome. It is for the reader to decide if it is the effort or the end result that makes a good parent.