Younger Men with Older Women - Not Just for Ashton and Demi

I don't follow entertainment news very closely. Since I'm neither rich nor famous and very unlkely to be either, following the lifestyles of those who have too much money doesn't really interest me. Still, you can't help but absorb some of it. When the news first broke about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's relationship, people were dumbstruck -- and fascinated. We all assumed it was just another Hollywood rumor until we started seeing the paparazzi photos all over the place. Imagine it - a 45-year-old woman cavorting with a man sixteen years her junior. And then she married him - gasp, choke! Many thought to themselves, "Well, you GO, Demi! Hooking up with a younger man - wow!. You've still got it!" No one gives a second thought to men dating much younger women but when the situation is reversed, it almost always causes a major stir, not to mention envious sighs from women who wish they had Demi Moore's personal trainer.

I don't have anyone's personal trainer; one look at my flabby abs would tell you that. But I have somehow managed to find myself in the most drama-free relationship I've ever had with a man fourteen years my junior. The difference between Demi and I (besides her looks, her money, her opportunities) is that I've got nearly 8 years on her and my guy has 10 years on Ashton. If anyone had even hinted that I'd be going into my third year with this guy, I'd have laughed. Yet here I am and overall, it's been really good. It's nice to be with someone who's interested in doing more than parking himself in front of the TV every night with his dinner on his lap. (No angry letters, please, I'm not suggesting that all men in their 50s do this - but come on, many of them do. Confess. You know who you are.) My ego soars through the roof when he grabs my hand as we're strolling down the street or striding through a movie theatre. I've often spied younger women sneaking peeks at him, no doubt wondering, "what's he doing with HER?" I'm in fairly good shape for my age but "fairly" ain't "Demi-shape" by any stretch. I'm finally able to go for long periods of time without thinking about the fact that he's utterly confused when I remark that "there are 8 million stories in The Naked City" or when I wrinkle my brow to do my terrible Rod Serling impression: "Pic-ture this...." Fair warning: The older woman - younger man relationship can also deflate the ego!

I'm tempted to warn Demi, however, that all may not be as rosy with her hubby as the years go by. Forgive me for being a bit indelicate but if Demi hasn't started perimenopause - and she's a rare woman if she hasn't at her age-she will soon find herself going through that god-awful period when you're never quite sure what your cycle is doing.... You can't sleep.... You're either crabby or weepy for no reason at all... and Ashton will be supportive and sweet no doubt, but here's hoping he will also be mature enough not to want to flee. Even the strongest of heart occasionally want to hide when their women enter this stage of life. Menopause is the punch line for many a joke but the truth is for many women, the 8-10 years before when we're transitioning is the worst part of it. My ex-husband had a heart two sizes too small and when my hormone levels dropped so low that the idea of having sex was actually repulsive, his dark side really came out. Not the understanding type, this was way too much for him to handle. Luckily for my young man, he appeared on the scene when I was coming out the other side. Menopause had already set in. No more periods and I almost never have hot flashes or other classic menopausal symptoms, except for occasional insomnia. And my sex drive came back - hooray! No hot tamale am I, mind you.... but I never was. And Ashton Kutcher's not exactly a child, right? He's under 30, but that's an adult in every state of the union and I'm sure he has a mother who can explain it all if Demi hasn't already.

I don't mean to sound condescending. Ok, maybe that last sentence was a tad snarky. We are never too old to find love and it's always sweeter when you stop planning, plotting and looking for someone with specific criteria and you just let it happen. Still, it takes more than love (and good looks and carloads of money) to make a relationship work over the long term. We all know that girls mature faster than boys and if you ask me, that doesn't stop when they hit puberty. My experience is that emotional maturity doesn't reach any kind of parity until the man hits the big 4 -0. As flattering as it is to be desired by a younger man, it can be wearisome when you're the one who just wants to sit in front of the TV with a bowl of Cheerios when he wants to go out to dinner. Or when he brings home the latest DVD action movie on a Friday night and you fall asleep on his shoulder halfway through, having been through a tough workweek. But my young man rarely complains and when he does, he's never, ever attributed any of our tiny spats to the difference in our chronological ages. He claims to have dated very few younger women in the past. When I complain about twinges in my right knee due to mild arthritis, he reacts as if I were talking about having a cold or a minor boo-boo, not an 'old person's' condition. When I spend too much time in the mirror, lamenting the slow but steady formation of jowls (egad!) and deepening of lines, he offers to buy me whatever cream, pill or potion I'd like if it will make me feel better. He's fine with the way I look. I've learned to stop asking, "Are you SURE you don't want someone your own age?" I'm taking it one day, one week, one month at a time and that's led us to 2 ½ years so far and counting... with no end in sight at the moment.

It's said that a couple should go through all four seasons with each other before making serious plans. Relationships are hard. They take work no matter what age you are, and being with someone through periods of sadness, anger and pain are as important, if not more important than sailing through the happy times. If you're in the beginning stages, give it a little time. If you've been in it as long as I have, for Heaven's sake, exhale and enjoy it! Me, I'm trying to come up with a new phrase for this relationship. I don't much care for the OLDER woman/ YOUNGER man description. I think I'm getting stuck on the word "old". My young man often remarks, "You're not an 'older' woman; you've just been on the planet longer than I have." Sounds nicer that way, doesn't it?

Hollywood marriages are notorious for their brevity probably due to the couple's not spending enough time together or one person doing markedly better than the other, not to mention the public scrutiny of their every move. Here's hoping Demi and Ashton continue to navigate successfully past all the physical and emotional changes, the paparazzi, and the starstruck gawkers - that's you and me, my friend - and makes it over the long haul!