Your Child Doesn't Want to Go to School: What Can You Do?

Up until the fourth grade I loved school. Then something changed. My mom tried every trick in the book to get me to go to school, and sometimes she succeeded, but when I really didn't want to go, I got out of it.

When I think about those days, I can't figure out what it was that made me not want to go to school so badly. I wasn't picked on, I got good grades, I had plenty of friends, and the assignments were interesting. For some reason I just didn't want to go.

I'm not sure if there's anything my mom could have done to make me want to go to school. I know that there are many reasons why children don't want to go to school and there isn't a magic solution that will change that. But being a kid who desperately didn't want to go to school, I think I've come up with some ideas that might help if you have a child that doesn't want to go to school.

Find out what your child is afraid of

Sometimes a child might not want to go to school because they are afraid of something. Maybe they have a fear of being abandoned, maybe there are other children that pick on them, or perhaps they're afraid something will happen to you while they're in school.

You might begin a conversation with them by saying something like, "When I was your age I was afraid...," then tell them about something that scared you at school or about school. Then ask them, "are you ever afraid of anything like that?" If they don't want to tell you, don't force them, but maybe they will and you'll be able to help them overcome their fears.

Show a positive interest in their schooling

If you're child doesn't want to go to school try to show a more positive interest in their schooling. If you don't seem to care, they probably aren't going to care either.

Don't just show concern over their grades, show a genuine interest in what they're learning, what they're favorite and least favorite subject is and why, and how they feel about they're friendships.

Some children might not want to tell you about everything that goes on at school, and that's ok. But simply showing that it's important to you and that you're interested will make them feel better about school.

Also, if your child doesn't want to go to school it could be that they view school as some kind of punishment; something they have to do but don't want to do. If you show a positive interest in their schooling, they'll see it as a positive rather than a negative thing.

Talk about your own education in a positive way. Sharing why you felt your education was a blessing will help them to see theirs as a blessing too.

Reward them for going to school

I know a lot of people disagree with this, but I think it's a good idea. Rewarding children is a way of acknowledging their accomplishments and making them feel good about themselves and what they are doing. And if your child doesn't want to go to school providing a reward for doing so can be a great incentive to get them to go.

Rewards do not have to be money, expensive outings, or gifts. In fact it's a good idea to come up with alternative rewards. It teaches children that there are valuable things besides money and possessions.

As a child some of the things that I valued the most was getting to rent a movie and watch it with my parents, playing basketball or tether ball with my mom and dad, playing board games together, or getting to go play with my friends or cousins. Doing things like this can be great rewards for your child.

Help them with their homework

If your child doesn't want to go to school it might be because they struggle with some of the work they have to do or maybe just feel overwhelmed.

Show your love and support by taking the time to help them with their homework. Let them know that they're not on their own. Feeling alone can be very scary to a young child. If you're there to help them and encourage them, they'll feel more confident and less intimidated of going to school.

All children are different and are going to require different things to help them. But if your child doesn't want to go to school and you're in need of some ideas, try some of these suggestions.