Your Child Leaves for College: Parental Adjustment

The stores are full of dorm room items in anticipation of all the new college students and their parents anxious to make sure everything goes perfect on move in day. The move into college, means moving out of home. Even if it doesn't necessarily mean the teen will be moving away from home permanently, parents know in the back of their mind that there is a chance they will ever really live at home again. Visits, holidays, in between jobs and apartments maybe, but from now on it will always feel temporary. While many young adults do move back home with parents after college to save money, it's always in anticipation of saving enough money to get their own place. It's not like having your child at home with years and years to come, like when they were growing up. As fun and exciting as it is, and as proud as parents are, this is a major transition. The adjustment for the parent can be bigger than for the student. One parents described the transition as more intense and life altering than she had imagined. When her daughter decided on a state school less than two hours drive away, she expected an easy adjustment. After all, she could visit, drop off forgotten items, bring money and most importantly, the family was familiar with the college and felt good about the choice. There was no hesitation in sending the 18 year old daughter off to this school. The shopping began and bedding for extra-long college dorm beds was purchased, a dorm fridge was ordered and the big decisions regarding meal plans and classes were made. Then move in/move out day came and the daughter settled into the dorm while mom drove home. The professional, busy, working woman says she found herself wandering around the house looking for laundry to do and messes to clean. The period of adjustment was about filling the void and switching the focus from child to self. Many parents describe the transition as shocking, but in a good way.

Tips for adjusting can be easy and fun. Relax and enjoy the time to yourself. Think about your own passions. As an individual person, what is it that you have wanted to do, but haven't had the time to pursue? Do you want to read more, write a novel, paint, garden, dance, sing? If your social life has been wrapped up in the child and their activities, it's time to branch out. Book clubs, gyms, classes and clubs are everywhere. Check the meetup.com website and just look through the groups in your areas for something that interests you. These are free opportunities to meet other people with similar interests and there is no commitment to continue with the group if you find it isn't your thing after all.

For those who have a greater difficulty with the transition, who find themselves lonely and lost, it's important not to cling to or pressure your college student for visits home. This is their transition also and they need time to adjust in their own way. While a supportive family at home is important for college success, the ability to figure things out on their own is an important skill that they can test out in the safety of a college environment. While there are counseling services and supports available for new students on campus, there are also opportunities for support for parents. Talk to other parents who have worked through the experience. If you need more help figuring things out, see a counselor or therapist for a few sessions. Sometimes an objective person can help you discover why the change is so difficult and what you can do to get through and find yourself again. The transition for a busy parent can be a challenge at first, but like your child, you too can grow and blossom in this new phase of life.