Your Guide to Marriage Therapy

Entering therapy, or even considering counseling is one of the scariest things most individuals can contemplate. Most people will easily book an appointment with the doctor when they fall ill or assume they have some physical ailments, yet far less people will book an appointment with a mental health professional. Most often, people feel that seeing a therapist or counselor makes them "crazy". The stigma attached to counseling is the main reason people do not seek help for problems that can often be stopped or reduced.

Most couples can benefit from relationship therapy, often even to prevent problems rather than solving those already present. However, most couples wait until the problems are at their worst, and will call a therapist days before or even during legal process, hoping that a quick visit will change years of hurt and struggles.

What can you expect, and why should you even consider marriage counseling?

- Marriage counselors often work on communication and improving the communication in a couple or family. No two people, no matter how close or strong they are, always communicate at their full potential. Lets face it- we cannot read each others thoughts, we all assume and read into situations and expressions and we often fail to relay the message to our partner in a way that we would like, or vice versa. Even the strongest of couples or families could benefit from a weekend of communication building and exercises.

- While you have become a unit, your own family, and you have joined together in a new setting, you both still carry the baggage and experiences of your past. Therapy doesnt always help you rid yourself of this "baggage" but helps both you and your partner understand your experiences, your history, your "baggage" and how it affects you as a couple today. Your therapist may not even ask you to change or to get rid of your past, but may simply just help you both to understand how the past is always influencing the present.

- It may help your partner to see you in a new light. Often stories, emotions and ideas are presented in counseling that may have never come to light had the couple not sat down with a neutral trained third party. After a few sessions, often the couple begins to feel comfortable and safe in the counseling setting, and are often inspired to reveal things to their spouse that they previously felt they could not, or express emotions that have previously been difficult to do in the past. A non-emotionally expressive person may learn how to begin expressing in a way that makes their partner feel more accepted and loved, while the other may learn how to express their frustration in a new way

- Therapy is becoming more and more common, and the stigma attached to therapy and counseling is diminishing. Most people will see you as a strong person for considering therapy, instead of weak or "sick" as some assume they will appear

Marriage therapy is NOT

- Processing deep personal struggles for an individual. If one person has some previous problems such as rape, abuse, depression or addictions, often the therapist might refer the individual to a therapist to help them sort through their personal issues. While they can be talked about in marriage counseling, the focus of marriage therapy is the relationship, and not individual issues. Often people will continue their individual therapy while seeing a marriage therapist

- something to be used in divorce or court proceedings. While Therapists are called to court to testify in divorce proceedings, seeking out a therapist a few weeks before a trial or divorce hearing is not productive for either of you.

- A deep investigation of your past. While your past might be explored, it will only be done in the context of how it applies to the relationship or marriage. You will not lie on a red couch and explore your feelings about your mother for weeks in marriage therapy (and you often dont do this in individual therapy either)