Your "Look" Matters on a First Date Ladies

When going out on a first date, remember - you never get a second chance to make a first impression. What you look like will be judged in the first few seconds that you meet. Psychologists feel that a man takes about 19 seconds to know if he is going to want to see you again. That doesn't give you much time to get it right. Clearly, you will be judged on your appearance. As unfair and superficial as it may seem it's true. I have found it to be so as a single woman dating for the past 20 years as well as a therapist listening to what men have to say about the dates they go on. Men are extremely visual. If they don't like what they see immediately they most likely will have no desire to get to know you. So, what are they looking for and what do you have to do to make it past those 19 seconds?

Your size

There really isn't a right or a wrong size. There is a guy for every size woman. But if he wants thin and you are not, or if he likes a little meat and you have none, it won't matter what you are wearing. Size matters. Honestly, most men prefer thin. Just last week a very unimpressive man told me he lives in a world of rhinos. When I asked him what he meant he said he had a hard time meeting a thin woman. In my 22 years as a marital therapist I have seen men dedicated to alcoholic and drug addicted cheaters who are attractive but treat them badly. Men want a pretty woman and will tolerate far more failings from them then they will a less attractive gal. If you keep your eyes open when you meet you will know immediately if he is interested. After so many years at this, when I see "the look" I ask. And they tell. And I leave. I have lost the desire to try to change their opinion believing that once they see how bright and interesting I am they will want to know more about me. It just doesn't seem to work that way.

You clothes

If you over dress he will think you are trying too hard. If you under-dress he will think you don't care to make a good impression. But first and foremost make sure the clothes are clean and pressed. You know the image you want to send and you use your clothing to get that message across. Tight, low cut sweaters send a message of sexual availability. Cotton button tops indicate a more conservative type of lady. Men love legs so if you've got em flaunt em - wear a skirt. How short the skirt will send another message. Older women in tiny skirts will send a sexual message even if she doesn't mean to do so. High heels make a great impression - so long as you can walk and are not fall off them. One of my most embarrassing moments while dating came when I was in a short skirt and high heels and my date picked me up in a Corvette. I managed to do a graceful fall into the car but when it came to getting out there was no grace about it. I just couldn't do it. He held the door and politely looked away so I would not totally expose myself. But I had to take off the shoes and just climb out. Needless to say I never saw him again.

Your hair

The younger you are the punkier your style can be. But a grandma in spiked hair will probably have a hard time finding a guy who likes that. Most men have a hair color they prefer. You just take your chances here. If you stay together you can dye it if you want to. Don't even try to guess. Keep it clean and shiny and you'll get the best reaction.

Your purse

As a rule, the more formal the event the smaller the purse. Men usually find them to be in the way most of the time. I've seen women dancing with their purse across the guys back and you can see the annoyed look on his face. Or you're walking down the street and he wants to put his arm around you and your purse is in the way. You may want to carry everything including the kitchen sink with you to work but don't do it on a date. Scale down and take only what you will need for the evening.

The most important thing about creating your appearance is that it pleases you. When you find the guy that likes you the way you like to be you will have found a keeper.