Your Wedding Day: What Really Matters

Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life; there is no mistaking that. Therefore, it can be highly stressful to plan. The stress comes from many factors: family, friends, unforeseen events, your fiance... the list goes on. And yes, some things are worth your concern and attention. But some things are also not important enough to pull your hair out over. There are some things that just matter more than others during your wedding. I can look back at my wedding, recall specific events, and understand some lessons I have learned from those events. Yes, I stressed out during certain moments over things that truly did not matter. In this article, I will explain what I learned from my wedding and the things that really matter. What matters is...

1. You feel comfortable in your wedding gown.
Because I have written another article about finding your perfect dress, I will not go into too much narrative here. Remember your dress is what you will be wearing for a long, long time on that day. Make sure you are comfortable with the feel, style, and fit. Does it really matter if great-aunt Gertrude thinks it's too tight? No. You will be the one wearing it. For hours... and hours.

2. You have your closest friends and family in the wedding party.
I have read about so many brides whose second cousin or semi-friend/acquaintance was upset because she was not a bridesmaid. Although I did not experience such drama, I understand that a bride will not want to hurt a person's feelings. But think ahead to your wedding day. Who do you want standing there with you in photos, during the ceremony, etc? Your closest friends and family, of course! You need to be comfortable with your wedding party. As I said, I thankfully did not have the wedding party drama. My mother was my matron-of-honor; my sister-in-law and one of my best friends were my two bridesmaids. It was perfect for me. I hope your wedding party is perfect for you.

3. Getting started as soon as possible on planning the wedding, but expect the unexpected.
I did pretty well getting my planning done on time. However, there was one box on my wedding checklist that I procrastinated on, and I reaped the results.

After I became engaged, my mother told the news to most people she came in contact with, including her hair dresser. This hair dresser, whom I shall call Sue, asked if she could do my hair for the wedding. I told my mom I would love that. Sue was great with hair. So in my mind, I was set on hair, no problem. But then, problem: I procrastinated on getting in touch with Sue. Before I knew it, I had three weeks until my wedding. My mom tried calling Sue many times, but we never heard from her. Sue disappeared. My bridesmaid recommended a hair stylist, Britney. I called Britney who accepted the job. A week closer to my wedding, Britney called. She was extremely sick and could not do my hair on my wedding day. Britney recommended Wanda. I called Wanda who agreed to do my wedding day hair. (Do you see a pattern forming?) Now I was all set. My mom and I met with Wanda a few days before the wedding to go over my desired hair style.

After I got home from the rehearsal dinner, my mother informed me of the new disaster: Wanda was extremely sick and could not do my hair. The following morning, instead of waking up singing "It's my wedding day!" my mother and I high-tailed it to the hair salon. There was one stylist working, and she said she would squeeze me in during her scheduled clients. So we waited. And the minutes rolled by. And I panicked. Luckily, Britney arrived, for she was recovering from her sickness, and she and the other stylist double teamed me. The end result: my hair looked great and I got to the church on time.

Yes, this event was probably worth the stress I felt. But I learned that it does matter to check and double-check the important things. Do not wait until the last minute when planning your wedding. That really matters.

4. Trying not to stress when your limits are pushed.
My rehearsal dinner was held in the banquet room at a restaurant. I arrived early with my mom and step-father. My two bridesmaids arrived shortly after. My fiance was coming with his family, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, from their hotel. There was a problem: My fiance's family has a tendency to be late, very late. In fact, we told them an earlier time on the rehearsal dinner so that they would get there on time. That plan did not work.

One set of his grandparents arrived on time. My bridesmaids and I decorated the tables as much as possible, but my fiance was bringing the rest of the decor. The table decor was not complete. And it was past time for the dinner to start. No fiance, no fiance's family. I was beginning to stress out. On top of that, my father called my cell phone, which added to my stress. (I will explain more on that in the next section.) I was to the point of tears from the stress. As I complained to my bridesmaids, my future grandpa-in-law, the one who was on-time, walked up to me, seeing my stress. "Don't worry about them." he advised, referring to the other side of the family. "They'll be late to their own funeral!" I smiled, appreciating his encouragement. Eventually, my fiance arrived with his family and the decorations. He was very apologetic, but it was not his fault. I had over-reacted.

I am embarrassed now to think about my behavior. Was it really necessary to stress out to the point of tears because some people were 30 minutes late? No. True, they did not show the best manners by being so late. What was I worried about? That we would get home an hour later than planned? It did not matter. What matters is that you do not lose your cool over unimportant things.

5. You and your fiance
I learned this lesson from my older brother, who walked me down the aisle. My parents are divorced. My mother, with whom I am very close, and my step-father paid for the majority of my wedding. Although my father was not going to walk me down the aisle, I still wanted him and my step-mother to be seated with the parents in the ceremony. To keep a very long story short, there was major miscommunication. I sent him emails which he said he never received. He never offered to help with the wedding in any way. So it must have surprised him when I emailed him about renting a tuxedo for the wedding. He stated that they would not participate in the ceremony but sit quietly in the back of the church sanctuary.

The day of the rehearsal, my brother called me. Our step-brother told him that our father and step-mother were planning to go to the rehearsal dinner! Although I had sent them an invitation, that was before my father told me they were not participating in the ceremony. Let me just say that it would have been bad for them to come to the small, intimate rehearsal dinner. The two sides of my family would have turned into the gangs from "West Side Story" and fights would ensue! I started panicking on the phone to my brother. "They can't come! Why would they do that?" Why would they come to the rehearsal dinner when the main reason for not participating in the ceremony was to avoid the other side of the family?

Then my brother gave me the best piece of wisdom I heard in the whole 14 months of my engagement. He said, "They don't matter. Forget about them. All that matters is you and Shane. You're all that really matters on your wedding day." He was right.

It all turned out well. My step-brother and his wife invited my father and step-mother to dinner that night of the rehearsal and they accepted. Remember that phone call I got from my father during the rehearsal dinner when I was stressing out to the max? He left a message saying that my step-mom had a headache so they couldn't make it to the dinner. I guess they still had that headache the next day, because they didn't come to my wedding either.

As I write this article, I can still feel the stress from some of those days. I wish I hadn't stressed out so much. It was unnecessary. As my brother said, all that really matter is you and your fiance. Those words were a comfort to me on that day. I hope they are a comfort to you as you plan for your special day.