Your Wedding Dress for Less

When you put on your dream wedding dress, your inner glow transforms it into the garment of a Goddess. You walk with your head held high, your heart glowing with the love you feel for your partner and your family. You take time to savor the moment, to let go of daily dramas and fears. You breathe deeply into your core, and you gift the world with your beauty.

Contrary to the wedding magazines, however, you do not have to spend the price of a family car on your dress in order to become the goddess that you truly are. Even if you don't have an heirloom dress from a female family member, with a little creativity and ingenuity you can find or make a magical dress perfectly suited to you for thousands of dollars less than most brides pay.

If you have the opportunity to wear your mother's or grandmother's gown, take it to a professional tailor before you do anything and have him or her asses what alterations need to be done, if it can safely be laundered, and any other considerations. A professional will be able to help you find fabric or lace to match the dress if you need major alterations or wish to change the dress's overall style. She will be able to recommend a cut appropriate to your body type, help cover any stains or tears, and recommend a good cleaner who knows how to work with old gowns. For a local clothing professional, contact the Professional Association of Custom Clothiers, http://www.paccprofessionals.org or (443) 755-0303.

If you do not have an heirloom gown to alter, you will need to find your own dress. Begin by researching what style fits you best. Go to a bridal shop, leaving yourcredit cards behind. Bring along your right hand woman, someone who will support you unconditionally. This woman's job is to give honest opinions while hugging you and giggling with you and generally being a Goddess' best friend. Bring a camera, and be sure to wear a strapless bra and knee-highs or nylons. The second place I looked for my dress was a boutique specializing in unique women's clothes. Unlike the bridal salon, they did not have strapless bras to lend out. They also had only one pair of high heels in the store, a pair of hot pink, faux snake skin, pointy-toed stilettos. My girlfriend kicked herself for forgetting the camera as I teetered atop these killer Barbie shoes in a white renaissance style gown, my pink bra straps poking out of the neckline.

Find a few bridal or specialty stores and play dress up, paying absolutely zero attention to prices. (Unless you only have a few months to find and alter your dress, in which case you will need to keep your budget in mind when choosing a dress to try on; don't torture yourself with gowns you love but cannot afford.) Try on everything that makes your heart beat faster, makes you squeal with delight, or makes your eyes glaze over as you fantasize about walking down that petal-strewn aisle. Take mental notes. What fits? What do you absolutely love? Have your girlfriend write down names of dress makers, sizes, and other relevant details, and take pictures of ones you like. This reconnaissance mission can be a little tricky for larger brides, as the samples in fancy bridal stores usually come only in a size 8 or 10. Larger warehouse type stores will usually carry a wider array of sizes, and there are even some shops that specialize in the well-blessed womanly figure. You may want to call ahead to make sure. Also, when trying on dresses, ask how the store's sizes run as it may be different than your normal clothing size.

Take a few moments with each spectacular gown to breathe and remember your inner goddess. What expresses your sexy, sacred, warrior, sweetheart Self? What feels great? What feels awkward or just not your style? Which dresses do you never ever want to take off? Or perhaps you don't see yourself wearing a dress at all, but a trouser suit with flowing jacket or a sari. Who are you?

Go to several stores just to try things on. Poke around on the Internet to see what makes you squeal. Do not, under any circumstances, impulse buy your dress. This is a time to play. You get to be six years old again and play dress-up.

Once you have an idea of the style you want, you are going to find the perfect dress at an affordable price. One of the powers of a goddess is manifestation. You have a clear idea of what you want in your wedding gown, and you are going to create that gown without spending thousands of dollars. There is no need to spend half or more of your wedding budget on your dress. You will be amazed at what you can find - and love - for a fraction of what many brides spend. Creativity and ingenuity speak more highly of your power as a woman than the limit on your charge card or the line of credit granted you by your father. If you have a bigger budget to work with, challenge yourself: how little of that budget can you spend? You can find a dress for less without compromising any of your beauty and power. If you still have extra cash when you're done, donate it to those less fortunate than you.

If you did not find your dream dress at an affordable price during your first shopping trips, check online. Try http://www.ebay.com, or another favorite online auction site. Ebay has a huge selection of dresses, many of which have never been worn (if you do find your dream dress that was worn in another bride's wedding, fear not - we will discuss how to make it your own energetically and otherwise later). If you find something you love, email the seller with any questions, like measurements and if there are any stains or flaws. Little tears or rips, depending on where they are located, are easy to fix. Wine stains are not.

Set a top price, and do not give in to the overwhelming temptation to go above this bid. Do not spend more than a couple hundred dollars for an online dress purchase, for you will most likely have to alter your gown in some way, which can be expensive if you hire a professional seamstress, and you usually cannot return a gown purchased from an auction.

Another great place to look for discounted (usually used) dresses is at thrift stores. These dresses have been worn once, though I saw one at a thrift store with the tags still on. Again, you will probably need to hire someone for alterations or do them yourself. If you absolutely do not want a previously worn dress, check out bridal store sales in late winter before next season's gowns come in or find out when the store will have a trunk show. A trunk show is when a dress designer comes to a salon and you have the opportunity to speak with him or her directly. Often salons will offer you a discount for buying a gown from this show, a way to get a custom gown for less.

Also check out ethnic stores, especially if you envision something less formal. I have seen some absolutely gorgeous dresses and caftan/pant suits at Tibetan and Indian import stores. For about a hundred dollars, you could put together a lovely outfit of beaded and embroidered cotton in jewel tones or white. Some of these outfits are made from synthetic fabrics, so check the label - if you are marrying in the south in July, do not choose a rayon blend in a dark jewel tone, no matter how lovely it is - you will be much too hot. Another element to consider with regards to import stores is the cheap labor that went into a dress' manufacturing. Unfortunately it can be quite a challenge to avoid clothing made in a sweatshop, especially in something ornate but inexpensive. You may want to ask the store owner where the clothing comes from and who makes it. Visit http://www.sweatshopwatch.org to find safe places to shop, and consider donating a portion of your wedding fund to this organization to help underprivileged workers live a better life.

Lovely dresses can also be purchased at regular department stores or boutiques, when prom dresses go on sale, and at high-end consignment shops. Some department stores also carry wedding gowns. Look for what you will feel comfortable in; if you are not a poofy-white-ball-gown kind of woman, don't put yourself through the agony of wearing such a dress on your wedding day. Wear a sundress and flip-flops or jeans and a tee-shirt if it suits you better. You may surprise yourself, though; I have talked to many brides who fell in love with a much fancier gown than they would have previously imagined. There is something magical in a wedding gown; in it we feel magnificent and divine.

If you do not find what you want, either wait a while and try again, or make your own gown. Sewing a wedding dress is a huge undertaking, unless you are just going to make a simple shift. I speak from personal experience, however, that it is very do-able with a little love and a lot of time if you can sew or you know someone who can. You can also hire a professional seamstress, but the dress I wanted would have cost me $2500 if made by a professional. I made it for under $200.

The price for a custom gown can vary from very cheap to outrageously expensive, so if you are not a seamstress, get several quotes on what your gown will cost. Find out how long it will take your seamstress to make your gown; you will probably need at least six months. Of course if you know someone who sews, like an aunt or your mother, you will save considerable money and time by asking them to sew your gown. Be sure to give them a special gift in return, like a spa day or a gift certificate for a gourmet grocery.

Patterns for wedding dresses can be found in Eveningwear and Costumes in pattern books at fabric stores. Look for the components that make up your dream dress; you may decide on combining a few patterns. I chose two patterns, one for an A-line skirt and a different pattern for my corset-style bodice. Sometimes, especially if your dress is simple or if you look in medieval costumes patterns, you will find one pattern that is perfect. Consider the level of experience needed to make your dress and how ornate the pattern is. I highly recommend simple but elegant; if you are sewing the dress, it will save you much frustration if you aren't a professional level seamstress, and if you hire someone else, it will save you money.

A fancier fabric like velvet or dupioni silk will require less ornamentation. Velvet and velvet-like fabrics work best for winter or fall weddings, and silk, taffeta and satin for summer and spring. I highly recommend natural fabrics like silk for comfort and durability. If you can find organically grown natural fabrics, all the better, though these will be considerably more expensive.

As you sew your gown, meditate on your love for your partner. Let each stitch absorb that love and connection. This not only creates a dress of love and power, it serves a very practical purpose of keeping you focused and calm. I have been sewing since I could sit unsupported in front of a sewing machine, but I am a very impatient seamstress. I found as I worked on my dress, however, that I cherished the slow, intentional stitching my dress required. As I hand-stitched around the armholes and neckline, something I generally do sloppily and with haste, I slipped into a soft meditative state. I took out poorly placed stitches without frustration, and took care with each pass of my ancient sewing machine. I realized my dress was a metaphor for life in a committed relationship.

Like getting married, sewing a wedding dress requires faith in oneself as well as your support network. It asks for total commitment to the task: a decision in your heart to stick with the process no matter what arises. It helps to have a friend who can also sew supporting you, so you know when a rocky time arises you can call for help. When the task is approached with care and a sense of humor, anything is manageable. Sewing a dress, like marriage, requires creativity, flexibility, time and love. And sometimes you have to admit you screwed up, and go back to the problem and try to fix it. Finally, nothing is perfect, and a sense of acceptance and of what is truly important helps a lot in getting you through the trials and blessings of sewing a dress - or a relationship.