You're Not as Important as You Think: Our Perception of Ourselves in the World Around Us

Self is an interesting concept. It's how you see you, in a sense. More than you likely, you think of yourself as a good person who's pretty important to those around you. If you make a mistake, it's probably not your fault, but the good things in your life are you doing. You probably feel like an obvious outsider when you enter a totally new social setting. While all of these statements may not be true about you, some likely are, and you're not alone.

Have you spilled something on your clothes, and you think that everyone will notice? Or, maybe you've had an ugly pimple on your face which seems obvious to everyone around you. But, to your complete and utter surprise, no one says anything. It doesn't even seem like anyone notices. In fact, in an experiment conducted by Gilovich, Medvec, and Savitsky (2000) had students where Barry Manilow T-Shirts to a class. The shirts were embarrassing, and students assumed that half the class would notice the shirts. However, only 23% did. This is known as the spotlight effect. We tend to believe that we are obvious to others who pay us a lot of attention, but this is a faulty assumption.

There is another aspect to our ramped up self-awareness, and it is known as an illusion of transparency. We tend to wear our emotions, and we think that others probably notice our anger, happiness, or anxiety. Again, this isn't the case; this is just the tip of the iceberg. Social settings can affect our self-awareness. It may not seem like a surprise, but it's true. You can go to any place where you feel terribly out of place, and you're likely to feel that others notice this as well.

Self-interest affects our social judgment. If you screw up, it's likely that it's not your fault. In marriages, when problems arise, we usually place more responsibility on our partner than ourselves. Now, sometimes this is not unfounded, but it certainly can be. Likewise, when things go well, we are more likely to credit ourselves instead of someone else which, again, may not be unfounded.

Finally, social relationships help define our self. We are different around different people. With your mom, you may be someone. With your best friend, you may someone entirely different. What you say in different social settings will vary. I know that the jokes I make around certain friends are wholly different from those I will make around my family.

Personally, these aspects of us are fun and fascinating, and I like to spread this information not in the hopes of changing but to help people become aware of this behavior. It's up to you if you want to change it.

Myers, D. G. (2008). Social Psychology (Ed. 9^th), pps 34-36.