You've Got to Please Yourself

All of us know Ricky Nelson's famous song where he deviates from his teen rock star status to explore country music, only to have his colleagues and audience wonder, "What made him do that?" "Garden Party" was not only a top Billboard hit but mentioned by many people I knew, including one gentleman from a well-known Internet message board who sadly passed away in 2004. Ricky knew that it was impossible for him to be true to himself and at the same time exist just to please his his supporters in the music business. What he went through happens to many of us, but the only difference is the majority of us do not get the chance to live through it and write a top 10 song about it (the song charted at #6 in 1972). While both genders are prone to being people pleasers, females are socialized from birth to put others needs before their own. This remains true for women who are not even wives and mothers, who have to put the needs of their husbands and children first, before their own needs are met. Of course, it can be difficult to meet someone else's needs before your own are met. For example, if your friend asks you to pick him up at work, and you are at home, do you drive 20 miles to your friend's workplace when your gas tank is next to the "Empty" line? Of course not. First you have to drive to the nearest service station and fill up before proceeding to work.

Also known as living up to the expectations of others, every time you do just that, a little bit of you inside dies. That is not exactly a fulfilling way to live. Living a fulfilling life means being able to tend to your deepest of needs, nurturing them without others telling you that you must give them up so their needs can be met. It is destructive in the worst way possible. Avoiding this sort of "people pleasing" and "living up the expectations of others" disrespects yourself and in turn, gets you disrespect from others. Whereas people who tend to stand up for themselves, appear strong physically and mentally, are less likely to be people pleasers. Not seeking approval from others confirms that you are strong and can survive in the worst of any given situation.

So even if you hear from others any of the following: "I had expected better of you", "You should as well as I do", "You're not as good as I expected", "You don't please me enough", keep in mind that all you have to respond is something like: "But I do not have to live up to your expectations, I live up to my expectations; I will let you live up to your expectations."

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