Zombie Survival for Dummies

People are always wondering how someone like me survived the end of the world. They are always very polite when asking where I lived before things went wrong, but I can tell they just want to know how I made it. After all, I don't have any survival skills, I am still out of shape, and it is obvious that in the not too distant past I was overweight. With all of that counting against me I should have become zombie meat long ago, but in spite of everything I made it. Now, after a couple of years of trying to scratch out a living, I have the time to share the handy tricks that kept me going against all odds.

Cash is King

When the dead start stumbling up the street anyone still interested in money is not going to want to deal with banks or plastic. If you have cash you've got an advantage over a lot of people. When things started getting crazy I went to the bank and got all the cash they would give me. Anyone living paycheck to paycheck like I did might want to take a chance on cash advances. The interest rates are horrible, but dead people eating living people trumps credit card cash advance rates.

Buy Smart

Just because you have cash doesn't mean you get to waste it on anything that catches your eye. When your shopping (or looting) remember the important things like medicine. Chances are you won't be able to find a doctor easily. In fact, I haven't run into a qualified physician in months. I'm starting to think they were all eaten up by zombies back when doctors will still trying to treat the virus... Moving right along, get pain killers, antibiotics, gauze, your personal hygiene items, and vitamins to fend off all those fun malnutrition related illnesses.

Spend your money on dried stuff that will have more bulk and calories after it is cooked. Rice, grits, beans, dried fruit, dried meat, and protein bars are all things that are fairly easy to store, transport, and cook. Don't forget salt, sugar, and all those nice spices that add a little flavor to a pretty bland died. Trust me, after a few months you will be able to trade surplus spices for just about anything. If you're able to, buy some mason jars, canning supplies, and seeds. Growing your own food will help you stretch out your dried good supplies and most people will pass on these supplies during panic shopping in favor of ready made foods.

On a personal note I grabbed some diet pills that suppressed my appetite a little. They aren't healthy, but when you're a big eater like me you need all the help you can get to keep you from burning through a limited supply of food in a month.

Safety in Numbers

At this point I'm sure you're waiting for me to give advice on weapons and arming up. That would just be a joke. Before zombies became a hot topic I'd never even touched a gun. The last thing I wanted to do was blow off my own foot or accidentally shoot a neighbor. Instead of arming myself with anything more than a length of pipe I found at an abandoned construction site I latched on to the first group of local survivalists I could find.

I know most survivalists have a bad reputation, but after spending a few days avoiding zombies wouldn't you rather go live with a group of people who've spent years planning for the end of the world? If you know anyone with experience hunting, fishing, and staying alive in rough circumstances put yourself out there before anyone gets desperate enough to beat you over the head and steal what you've horded. Once you've found the relative safety that comes with a group you can start worrying about learning how to shoot and use other weapons.

Last and Never Least

So much of my advice is common sense, but I've realized that common sense tends to go flying out of the window once someone catches sight of their first zombie. Regardless, I set out to share what kept me going and that is what I've done. Most of this information is probably coming too late for a lot of you readers, but you never know. What I've shared might help you survive whatever disaster comes next.