Zoolander: A Comedy Cult Classic

When I need a pick-me-up, nothing helps more than an orange mocha frappuccino and a viewing of "Zoolander."

Starbucks doesn't have the orange mocha frappuccinos on its menu anymore, but I still have this hilarious 2001 movie, which mocks models and the fashion industry. To paraphrase: It's really, really ridiculously funny.

The movie opens in a darkened hall: The fashion elite are discussing something urgent. They're upset about the new prime minister of Malaysia, who wants to do away with cheap labor. The designers count on paying their workers pennies to put together their fashion lines, and demand that designer Mugatu, played by Will Ferrell, find someone to assassinate the workers' darling.

Mugatu is Ferrell at his comedic best: He may as well be a big poodle, with his crazy white hairdo, wild eyeliner, corset and pet poodle permanently in tow.

Mugatu hates being handed these orders, but knows he has to find someone stupid enough to be brainwashed to off the prime minister. Worse yet, he has a show in two weeks, so he really needs to find "an empty vessel."

Enter Ben Stiller's Derek Zoolander, top male model. He's known for his spiky black 'do and his "versatile" looks (I dare you to watch and not feel compelled to do Blue Steel, LeTigra or Ferrari: They're easy since they're the same expression, which no one seems to be aware of). We meet Derek as he's being interviewed by Matilda, played by Stiller's real-life wife Christine Taylor. She's doing a piece for Time magazine, and she and the viewer find out in no time just how dumb he is.

And soon the whole world will bear witness to his denseness, as it becomes dangerously clear to the conspiratorial fashionistas when he storms the stage to accept an award, never mind that his rival's name has been called for model of the year at the VH-1 Fashion Awards. Once he's up on stage accepting young upstart Hansel's award (played by Owen Wilson), it takes Lenny Kravitz to tap him on the shoulder, point to the big screen with Hansel's face (and 'WINNER' flashing all over it), to realize that, uh, he is not the top male model four years in a row. Hansel is the new king of fashion, and, as everyone says, "he's so hot right now."

Now Mugatu has found his "empty vessel." Even Maury Ballstein, played by Jerry Stiller, Derek's agent, reluctantly admits that yes, Zoolander is the perfect candidate to off the Malaysian leader.

Zoolander is humiliated when he realizes just how badly and publicly he's lost. He slumps home, ashamed and full of self doubt. Zoolander wonders if there is something more to being really really ridiculously good looking, and doubts if modeling does do any good. His lunkheaded roommates - with names like Brint, Rufus and Meekus - assure him, yes, models do help: They teach people how to dress and how to do their hair. And they tell him what he really really needs is an orange mocha frappuccino.

Next we see the quartet of male models joyriding through the streets of New York City, with their frappuccinos in hand, jamming to Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go."

They stop to fill up with gas, and splashing around with the squeegies, they get crazier - and dumber - and start spraying each other with gasoline. The scene is knock-down hilarious, as the models blindly and blithely frisk around with the flammables, all filmed in artsy slow motion. Derek steps away from the pumps when he sees someone throw the Time magazine that has him as the cover story into the trash. He goes to pick it up, and turns to look at his buddies, just as one of the guys decides to light himself a cigarette. Jitterbug over.

Cut to Derek at his friends' funeral (at St. Adonis Cemetery, of course). There Derek announces he is retiring from modeling, but not before Hansel's arrival interrupts his speech, with the deejay cueing up entry music. Hansel is, after all, so hot right now.

But this announcement is a fly in Mugatu's ointment. He needs Derek. But Derek decides to head home to coal-mining country in southern New Jersey. There we see his dad and brothers, played by Jon Voight, Vince Vaughn and Judah Friedlander, respectively, all with the same hair. He tries his hands in the mines, only to fail miserably and further alienate himself from his father (if that was even possible). Feeling more confused than ever, he is called back to the fashion world when Maury informs him that Mugatu, who has never hired Derek for a show, wants him to be the face of his new line, Derelicte.

The clothing line is fantastic satire of fashion: Inspired by homeless "style," with tattered coats, torn shoes and so on, yet make it sound French, and it's high style. Derek is offered the campaign, and a chance to do good, because Mugatu shows him the plans model for the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. So Zoolander gets back on the horse: He has a show to do and a cause to pursue.

Derek next gets sent to a spa for what he perceives is for a day of relaxation, but Mugatu's henchwoman, Katinka (played by Milla Jovovich) is there to teach him to "relax." But really, he is getting brainwashed, with him being trained to be triggered by Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Relax." (Film buffs should enjoy the "Manchurian Candidate" touches.) The sequence is surreal madness, with Derek being coached by Mugatu about "silly and outdated" child labor laws, and the Malaysian prime minister being a meanie for depriving these kids of a long, hard day's work.

Matilda in the meantime is figuring out, thanks to the help of a former hand model played by David Duchovny, the conspiracy that is surrounding Derek. There's apparently been a whole slew of male models - beautiful, dumb men in peak physical condition - trained to assassinate world leaders. And Derek is next if she can't figure out the trigger in time.

Matilda needs to get herself and Derek to a safe place to hide and think, and they decide that Hansel's place will be perfect. After Hansel took top male model of the year and soundly beat Derek in a hilarious walk-off (with no better judge than the legendary David Bowie and a slew of celebrity cameos), no one would ever imagine those two would be caught in the same room together. After clearing the air, Derek and Matilda are allowed into Hansel's loft, which is peopled with one crazy posse: Maori tribesman, Finnish dwarves, a sherpa and more.

There they work out a way to save Derek. And Matilda and Derek grow ever closer. At last the truth hilariously comes to light at the Derelicte show.

Hansel and Matilda do their best to save Derek, including Hansel breakdance fighting the deejay to switch off the song trigger. And Derek finally unleashes his new look, Magnum - years in the making - which shows the power of a good pose.

All ends well, except for that ache in your side from laughing so hard.

Buy "Zoolander" here: www.amazon.com, www.bestbuy.com, www.dvdempire.com